and one fine morning…
Archive for November, 2006
…then what do colored walls infer?
Nov 30th
control yourself. take only what you neeeeeeeeeeed from it.
dance dance.
work work.
running training has been going well. and by well, I mean cold. freezing outside. I was heckled the other day for wearing short shorts while running. I think the poor boys in their car couldn’t handle the sheer attractiveness of my thighs. mwahah. lolz
alexis dale was in town last night, which was random. met up with her and her boy, whom she told me she intends to marry. crazy. o_o;;
crazy work week. lots of swedes in town, which means lots of long meetings. which means a lot of coffee. i messed up someone’s design review this morning by pointing out a flaw in the statistics and the dude kinda got really mad at me. i can understand that he was way frustrated because his month of work was owned. not my fault. but i still feel bad. he was wicked pissed.
we look good side by side
Nov 27th
Crazy. Where to start. Rosie and Julie were awesome guests. Thanksgiving with Dinarello and family was nuts. I love James Bond. Aspen for the weekend was wonderful.
I rate Casino Royale wholeheartedly a solid A. The dialogue was so classic-noir and clever, and the movie was finally based on character development instead of random techno-crap. The defining line between Mission Impossible and James Bond is that Bond is smart and resourceful. Mission Impossible is about techno-crap and well executed plans. Bond is about mystery and strategy and well executed spur-of-the-moment action. I walked out of Casino Royale with a shit eating grin plastered across my face, looking like Xavier and Ollie on a powder day. And I didn’t miss Q or the lack of gadgetry at all.
When Rosie and Julie left, my house was so quiet. It felt strange to come home and not be ready for an afternoon of driving around and accomplishing. A little empty, actually. Funny that while they were here, we didn’t go out at all due to lack of energy, and the first night they were gone, Brandon, Christian and I went out.
I think I want to drink more wine, and less beer.
Charles Dinarello is a badass. Being around him is truly inspiring, because he’s so unbelievably smart and full of random facts. He gave me an F for Judaism because I didn’t know who Raul Wallenberg was. Woops. I can confidently say that I know a lot of smart people, but Dinarello seems to be on a different level entirely. Maybe it’s the combination of smarts and wisdom, but he’s unbelievably stimulating. A role model in many ways. Something about his approval would be very gratifying.
Mike and I drove up to Aspen to meet Xav and the girls. I really like Mike. He’s such a solid guy. I met him for the first time in Cape Town, and now I think of him as a good friend. Between him and X, I think I’m beginning to see that running is something for which most people have the potential. I don’t necessarily want to run marathons, but seeing those guys do it makes me give it some serious thought. The rides to and from the Simcocks’ place in Aspen were so easy and short because we more or less had one long conversation each time. Actually, some of it was more a monologue on my part. Whatever.
We snowshoed up Aspen Highlands and kicked ass. I was pretty pumped because I only had a little trouble keeping up with the other dudes, and my new jacket kept me mega warm. I wouldn’t mind snowshoeing again sometime soon, actually, but I’d really rather be skiing. Saturday/Sunday this weekend, no question.
Seeing Rosie after so long was really cool. I didn’t really keep track of it over time, but I think I really grew to like her quite a bit in the past few months especially. Being around her is strange because it feels so natural and uninhibited…this is weird for me. I don’t usually just operate like that, so it is taking some getting used to; it’s not really something over which I have control, because it just sort of happens. It’s too bad Snowmass is 200 minutes away. Bleh. I think though that between concerts in Denver and skiing with X, I will be able to visit a fair amount. Maybe one day we will even be able to go on a proper date. Haha. That’ll be the day…
to rule them all
Nov 21st
After nearly 4 years of diligence I misplaced my ring. Bare fingers do not infer clean minds. Having not taken it off for more than an hour in that amount of time, my finger feels oddly naked and light without it. Luckily, I’ve located it and just need to pick it up from the safe at the gym this afternoon. It would kill me to lose something irreplaceable.
Progress on the environmental initiatives has been slow. I’ve lost a bit of steam in the past two weeks, truly unfortunate. It’s strange when there’s really no such thing as return to normalcy. Constant progress precludes complacent routine, because there is no steady-state. But even so, it sometimes seems that the first derivative of this continual commitment to progress is flatland, if you will.
Reading journals and looking through sketchbooks last night…my style of expression has changed significantly. Kind of unfortunate. Unpolished seems so unsatisfying now. Clean and concise wins, but I wish that weren’t the case.
All things go; all things go
Nov 20th
I forgot:
my coat
my wallet
my watch
Interesting morning.
Plenty to do at work today. Meeting with the EHS woman to explain to her how I’m going to take a Dremel tool to a used filter and remove the PBT media pack without splattering blood everywhere… Hehe.
The man who will analyze the PBT media will hopefully be someone named Charles Dinarello: immunologist at UCHSC, brilliant doctor and researcher, Nobel prize winner, and family friend! He’ll be at my family’s Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, so hopefully he won’t mind if I talk a little business at him. Luckily, he likes to talk, and it will distract him from Middle Eastern politics to talk about cell markers and activation.
Need coffee today.
to write this down is means to reconcile
Nov 17th
I am pumped. Within the next week, lots of people are coming back home to Colorado or visiting Colorado for the first time. Rosie and Julie get in tonight from Cape Town after around 30 hours of travel. Mikey gets in next week, along with Xavier and Sullivan. Christian will be back too, which is mega bonus.
Yesterday I picked up my new glasses. I needed some that were cool, but less black-rimmed-nerdy like the ones I have. I like them very much!
I am trying to think of good ol’ American stuff to do to introduce these girls to the US. So far on the list are Casa Bonita and Old Country Buffet. Also, Bud Light beer and trucks. Probably take them to Red Rocks or maybe Roxborough. Downtown will be sweet, as well as the art museum. Obviously we will go to Pat’s too. I can’t think of anything else though, for the most part.
Derf Derf… Bort Shorts.
St. Louis last weekend was amazing. I got to hang out with Barry, Gadi and Mpls, which was so refreshing. I love those people. Barry and Gadi always bring me back to focus, through a very scatterbrained and chaotic method; they are crazy. Mpls and I haven’t seen eachother in probably 2 years, so it was awesome to hang with her. She has really grown up in so many ways. It’s weird to think how long ago it was that we first met. She was so confused and crazy back then, but so was I in many ways. I really want my One World shirt back though. It will need to be extradited…
Now I drive to the airport, in rush hour traffic. D:
ahhhhhhhhhhh
Nov 14th
So pumped right now. I think today is one of those days where I’ll actually be working hard for 8 hours straight instead of on and off working.
Mad World
Nov 9th
Mulholland Drive…Huh?
Today was one of the longest days of my life, so far. Maybe. Actually, maybe it wasn’t. I’m not sure. Maybe I should revise that.
Some days feel long because so much happens. They start early and end late, and so many different things happen that by the time the day is just a memory the next morning, it’s hard to believe that everything happened in sequence.
Then there are days where relatively little happens, but you spend time waiting and waiting. And all the spaces in between events are drawn out to extremes. The day blurs together like days do when traveling across time zones and continents through the air.
Hmmm
The Real Deal
Nov 7th
I found another breaking point. A point where I’ve truly become overwhelmed and need to take a step back. Decrease throttle. Tomorrow I will jog a little bit. Then I will take a nap…faster.
I used to think that stress was illogical: there are things in this life over which I have control, and other things over which I haven’t control. Stressing about those thing which I can’t control isn’t reasonable, since I can’t do anything to change them. Stressing about those things which I can control isn’t reasonable because if I can change things then I can fix them. Blah. Unreasonable. Stress exists when you know everything that you have to do, and it’s too much. Cracks form in the impenetrable resolve and bits start to crumble. Fall back. Make a list, be stronger. Game face. Destroy, eradicate, slaughter everything on the list. Done. Relax. Good plan.
I should note that Michelle’s support and counseling in the past two months have made everything a whole hell of a lot easier. I think I will be getting her something nice for her birthday, but I don’t know what yet. Any suggestions would be totally welcome. She’s mid-20′s, married, smart and queen of the Atreus lab. Maybe South Park DVDs or something. Hrmmmrmrmm.
DN told me today not to worry about my applications to Wash U and DU. “Let me know when you’ve sent in your applications, and I’ll make the phone calls so you can skip that whole review process.” Sweet. Someday I want to be able to say that to someone. Now I just need to focus on CU and Chicago. Also, I need to figure out where else I’ll be applying. This goes hand in hand with updating my resume and writing a personal statement. Gah.
Mike’s photography is awesome as usual. I recently discovered the following picture, which I think is just awesome. I can’t wait to hang with him next week. http://blackgoatx.deviantart.com
I’m celibate now. I decided yesterday. No more sex, or even precursors to sex. It’s not the time. Also, in a Seinfeldian move, I’ll be master of my domain. This will be an interesting exercise in self control. If Barry can commit to this all successfully for a good amount of time, I may stand a chance as well.
In two weeks, I’ll be able to hang out with Mike, Xavier and Rosie all at the same time. I am stoked beyond. I think that by the time this Sunday is over, I’ll be a stronger person than I am now. I will pass through the gauntlet and emerge anew: better, stronger, refocused, refinished, and maybe even dangerously disingenuous. I will win.
and then…
Nov 7th
no more than five minutes after having written what lies below, I pack up my things to walk to my car. Michelle is leaving at the same time so we walk out together.
The doors by the northeast exit of the building open, and we stride so boldy out into a surreal explosion of saturation.
The sky is on fire. Everywhere.
From directly overhead to the western horizon, from north to south, the colors are screaming out at us. The clouds end at a sharp line, trying to make it to the horizon in time, but failing, leaving a powerful sky blue gash, glowing so strongly beneath the orange-yellow-red bliss that the color blue seems to transcend the normal spectrum. Cloud patterns and tones within the bank are differentiating and move constantly, like a brew that is swirling out of a pot of boiling water, placed out in a snowy night. Pieces of grey are dancing along the leading edge of the clouds, fragments of scar tissue on the painfully stark cutting edge of glory. In a minute it has all but disappeared, leaving the two of us standing at the edge of the sidewalk, staring upward and feeling every second bringing more and more cool, calm darkness.
The air outside feels like spring. Perhaps it is my current state. The earth feels renewed. The kind of feeling I get when I fall asleep smiling after I’ve worked hard all day and maybe just fallen in love with the world.
Driving home is coming down from a high of highs, with euphoria lingering in each heartbeat. The whole thing is so ephemeral, following me in its fading bliss of pinks and greys in my rearview as I speed home, windows down, Goldfish up. Despite the consternation and the desire to give up today, I will persevere. Love is in my heart now, and I think that’s all I really needed.
forgive the phone camera…